The End of 20 Months on the Road!!

Hello everyone! 

My last posting was in the April-May school holidays as the autumn leaves were falling in the golden Hawkes Bay sun. The holidays gave me the chance to do some of the admin that I could barely get to during the term-time challenges on the road. 

The hardest thing about the whole adventure was not having an office!!! Rather than pining for a cosy home I fairly drooled at the thought of having an office again one day…with filing cabinets, wi-fi, phones, printers…everything in one place…oooohh!!! 

Anyway I gave such thoughts a short audience then threw them in the compost! :) Stay in the now, I reminded myself, and be eternally grateful!

So after ploughing through emails, lecture prep, more writing of articles and bookkeeping I returned to Taruna for 2 final days of lecturing with the full-time student teachers. This was followed by a short but very intense love affair with Taikura Steiner School giving not only the basic Roots and Wings lectures but also those on the 8-12 year-old, adolescence, and early childhood with the Parent Space parents. After all my years of connection with this school it was lovely to finally give something back.

Then it was back to the Kapiti coast to see several clients and be the key-note speaker for a Parenting Conference organised by Jill Duncan and her team (thank you so much for your stellar organisation), entitled ‘Simply Parenting’. It was very well attended with great workshops offered to support the parents. A truly joyful day!

 After the conference I slipped back into Wellington for a couple of weeks to see a few clients and catch up with family. 

Back in Welly on Lyall Bay Beach

I stayed with my dear cousin Libby at the very far end of the Eastbourne Rd. Winter was starting to make its presence felt and I had my first taste of the Eastbourne road being closed due to waves over the road…and not being able to get back till the tide had gone down. Little did I know there was more to come! 

Ah but not yet. First it was time to point Daffy north again and visit all the smaller towns that had missed out: the kindergarten communities of Palmerston North, Rotorua and Taupo. Time again to thank my fabulous hosts: Claire, James, Hector, Orion and Stirling in their gorgeous home built by James on the rural outskirts of Palmerston North; Margi, John, Kiara and Jonah sharing with me their piece of paradise on the eastern shores of Lake Rotorua; and Fenella, Tony, Lilja and Luca nestled into the shores of Lake Taupo…that amazing lake that was the largest eruption in the world in the last 5000 years, in 186 AD, and still steams at the edges! As usual, after giving lectures I gave mentoring sessions to families and saw these towns through their eyes. 

For those reading this from outside New Zealand (hello!) these 3 areas are in the heart of the North Island, surrounded by farmland, forestry farms, native bush, volcanoes, mountains, lakes and rivers and rich with Maori and classic Kiwi culture. The wonderful sulphur air from the bubbling mud in Rotorua represents for me the mystery and awe of these little islands in the giant Pacific Ocean, named Aotearoa by the Maori (the land of the long white cloud…which is what they first saw from their great canoes or wakas).

Taupo moods

Taupo moods 

Then…once more…back to Wellington to house-sit for my cousin and finish up admin and taxes. But what a time to return! There was a storm that was supposed to reach its full force by 10pm so I thought I could sneak in at 6pm…but the peak came early, and as I turned the campervan on to the Ngauranga Gorge it hit with such incredible force that I could barely keep the camper on the road and get her down the Gorge. I was so desperate to reach cousin Libby’s once again that I forced Daffy around the bays with the waves washing over the road and windows…my windscreen wiper broke with the force of the wind..but we made it to my great relief. 

Driving south into the storm 4pm

But the storm was not finished yet. The next day Libby had to fly to Bali (!) and I drove her in her car to the airport, once again with waves cascading into and over us…we were just about the last car out before the road was closed. This was the fierce storm that literally chewed up our coastline around Wellington, swallowing some dunes and big chunks of coastal pathways and roads and almost sinking the ferry.

Sea washing over the road

Storm that chewed up the coast

Bus Stop at Days Bay

Seal, log and beach washed on to the road

And as if that wasn’t enough there was another terrible storm on the day I left again 3 weeks later. I stopped at the campground at Seaview on my way out to try to empty my tanks..but the wind was so bad I could hardly stand and it broke the barrier arm at the gate and I couldn’t get in. I was so terrified of being there with the camper that I just jumped back in and drove north as fast as I could to get away from the southerly gale. It worked and I made it over the Rimutakas (wind wasn’t so bad there) and up to Masterton to my sister’s. Shattered!

On to Hawkes Bay for a lecture to the teacher inservice course students. Then to Tauranga again for a very intense non-stop 10 days of mentoring sessions (Tauranga is becoming a 2nd home!)..and here Daffy broke down right in town…on a Friday at 4pm as Murphy’s Law would have it…so we had to be unceremoniously put on a flatbed and dumped at a campground for the weekend, then dumped back at the mechanic’s on Monday when they could see her…without me, as I was due to be lecturing in the Coromandel by then! Thank goodness for my dear Tauranga hosts, Rebecca, Graham, Stella and George, as Graham just happened to be going to Coro just when I needed to go and they could provide me with accommodation up there and a car to use!!!)

Honestly, I could write a book about these adventures entitled ‘But Luckily…’ :) There has been a silver lining to every challenge without fail! 

So a fabulous few days lecturing in Coromandel Town and Whitianga, and visiting Kuaotunu, and having a lovely time with Ursula and Lutz….thank you again!

Driving Creek Railway Coromandel

View of Coro from Driving Creek

Coromandel

Then…would you believe it?….south again and back to Kapiti to spend a week working with the teachers at the kindergartens at Te Ra and giving 2 lectures there.

One of the big mistakes I made was not finding a way to control all the requests. Each community had only a few options of when my talks could be fitted into their timetables and I never succeeded in corralling them into a properly sequenced tour. In the end I got a bit overwhelmed and just gave up..so went up and down the country a few too many times. I consoled my nerves and petrol bill by telling myself it was a ‘working holiday’…and I have to say I enjoyed it all so much! 

My other big mistake has been not realising the meaning of the word ‘blog’!! It’s not supposed to be a periodic marathon like this!

In those last few weeks things were beginning to change within me. I was reaching my limit of having no office, of living in such a tiny space, of being always in guest mode..always moving, changing, adapting. Daffy needed a tune-up and I decided when I finally arrived back in Welly on August 20th that I would leave her and the dog there and do the final leg north by car. Julia Sherriff’s dear old Toyota that she gave me when she left to go to East Timor.

In August and September I burrowed into my cousin’s living room in Wellington and set to work, covering every surface with sticky notes and paper to prepare for the key-note speeches I was to give at the Australasian Early Childhood conference in Cambridge (NZ) on the last weekend of September. This was a very special time. It had been years since I had given myself up to some in-depth reading, studying and writing and I poured my heart and soul into it with passion. I had been preparing it in my mind all year as I drove around the country…often stopping to scrawl down a thought. It was so good to finally get it all into some sort of cohesive whole.

During my time in Wellington I saw more clients and gave 5 lectures at Raphael House school, the final one being on the impact of technology on childhood. I felt in this lecture and also in the keynote conference lectures that the whole of the 20 months on the road, the 3 years before that of running the Parenting Centre, indeed the Plum Parenting work of the last nearly 7 years, was coming to fruition. Dear parents,…all of your stories, your trials, your triumphs…all you have taught me through your courage and tears…how can I thank you for what it has brought to this body of knowledge that has become Plum Parenting. Thank you, thank you!!

And once again..as Murphy would have it…after a year of preparation for those 2 keynote speeches..I was unable to get to sleep the night before one of the talks…and was just drifting off at about 1.30am when the fire alarm was activated by an insect and the entire building had to be evacuated to the sound of the alarm and a loud recorded voice saying ‘evacuate the building by the nearest exit’…over and over till I thought it might replace my lecture in my brain!! Back to our beds by 2.30am…but I must’ve got only 3 poor hours of sleep…and the next morning there was only one way: to do the whole thing on pure adrenalin!!!…which I did. I think by the last moments of the last talk I was barely in my body, having devoted every ounce of energy to the content. Happy to say it was very well received..the audience were fantastic!…PHEW!…and I felt that not only my work but my whole life at that moment moved into a new dimension.

After the conference I attended another wonderful conference in Auckland entitled: Being in Reality. Then had 3 days of looking after my host’s chickens…and breathing out at last. It was almost time for the tour to end. I had decided by now that I was not going to spend the 4th term in the South Island as was planned.…that it was time to stop and find roots again. It was hard to say no to them. 

When word got out that I would be passing by on my way back to Wellington there came a few last requests. First 3 days on Waiheke Island where I saw clients and had an incredibly rich and healing time with Luis, Norma and their lovely daughter Carla. Then 3 days in Hamilton seeing the results of  work I had started there earlier on the tour. I met with the staff and gave a talk to the childcare centre parents. It was lovely to see hosts Warwick and Claire again and be astounded by the new wing of the Riveridge Birthing Centre….so beautiful! And of course to spend time again with Carol (supervisor of the Early Childhood programs) and the teachers. Finally 3 days once more in Tauranga working with the school and having fun with Rebecca, Stella, George and Mary. And got to climb Mt. Maunganui at last!

Mt. Maunganui

And that was it for work. Over to Hastings to celebrate my Aunt’s birthday, and suddenly, for the first time, I let myself feel the full weight of the tour…and boy, did I feel tired! There were so many friends I wanted to visit in the Bay but a huge inertia hit me, and I pointed the car south one last time and headed home. On Sunday October 27th I sailed down the Hutt Valley and there was Wellington, shining in the sunlight, welcoming me back. I had begun the tour on February 25th 2012, 20 incredible months before.

So dear friends and family, teachers, parents, children and mentors, thank you all for your encouragement and support. This trip has transformed my life and work in every positive way.

I’m now looking for a new home in Wellington and am open for business…seeing clients in their homes throughout the whole Wellington area from the south coast to Kapiti and Upper Hutt. Once I am settled I will turn my thoughts to finishing the book and setting up a new parenting centre somewhere near the city. No idea yet of when that will be.

In the future I will do more touring, but shorter excursions by car. And though I am sad to part with her I will sell Daffy Duck...put out the word. She would also make a great extra bedroom complete with study! 

Much love to you all and more gratitude than words can say.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's a blog from Mary!

At long last...what's this?...a blog?

Warmest Autumn Greetings Dear Parents and Friends! 

After 9 months of silence you must be wondering 'what on earth....?'

Well on earth, specifically all over this beautiful country, it has been a breathtaking journey! In fact the fullness of it just took me over, and blogging, I do apologise, went out the window! It was all I could do to keep up with demand.

At the time of the last blog I was having my first break after the initial leg of the tour, which had taken dog, self and campervan to Waiheke, Tauranga, Christchurch and Hawkes Bay. After a sparkling start to the book on a frosty-white morning at Helen's on the Tukituki, I had journeyed to Greytown to settle down to write. I was about to learn many things!

I did write in earnest and and managed a strong beginning to the book. But it took much time to find the right rhythm and to discover my best approach. The crazy preceding months of moving out of Plum Garden and then intensely lecturing and counselling on the road for 3 months meant that my bookeeping and admin were way behind. At the same time requests for counselling were increasing dramatically as the work became more widely known (my email box was going mad right in front of my eyes!) and I still needed to work to support myself. The writing kept getting hijacked! (I see all you writers nodding: 'well hello Newby!') 

For some reason I thought I could write while still plugged in to cell phone, emails, the Greytown cafes :), tax return deadlines, backed-up admin, setting up the next legs of the tour, family, friends and dear desperate parents needing help in Wellington and all round the country. Yeah right!!! I must add, however, that it was wonderful to spend time with my sister and parents in Masterton during that period, and my siblings and sons in Wellington.

With support from an amazing couple (you know who you are...I can't thank you enough darlings!) I was able to extend that writing period longer than I thought possible and 'The Work'...meaning 'the ideas and how to best present them' took on a whole new life. I found my ground and my stride. It was a huge turning point. 

For those who are new to this blog, I'm touring the Steiner school communities in New Zealand for a 2-year period in response to their requests. They were the first to hear about my work and word spread quickly. So far this is filling all my availability but but eventually it is my hope to make this work widely available to the public, not only through public speaking and mentoring sessions, but also through a book and online access to the material. 

As the daffodils came up in September I stopped writing and bade farewell to Greytown and, after a stint in Wellington to see clients, headed north again back on tour. From September to December the road took me to Titirangi, Auckland briefly, Hamilton, Tauranga again, and back to Wellington, in each centre first giving lectures then offering parent counselling sessions. By then I was also meeting with teachers and contributing thoughts and ideas to their work. This has been most enriching.

Highlights of that period

Titirangi: Plunging hills rich with gorgeous bush, (I even got stuck magnicently at the bottom of one after weeks of sub-tropical rain!) tidal flats, wild coast, green everywhere, the maypole dance at the magical, country Titirangi Steiner School...and best of all the Titirangi Village Market...it's a must do! Gretchen, Jasman and Elia gave me access to their tiny home and enormous hearts, and my cousin Jacquie nestled me in her secret garden and soothed my soul!

Titirangi bush garden

Auckland: My first look at Ellerslie and Michael Park School. What wonderful energy! A great conference featuring Peter Blom, CEO of Triodos Bank, talking about sustainable banking on the cutting edge in Europe...thrilling!...and a week of giving counselling sessions. Auckland's best kept secret...the Remuera Motor Lodge campground, tucked behind a strip of great restaurants, had me parked up and living the Remuera life for around $20 per night! Sadly it's recently been sold (for 7.9 million!)..and will eventually be bowled for housing development. More on Auckland later.

Hamilton: Extraordinary! I had always driven past Hamilton not realising what gems lay hidden there; the Botanical gardens and many green spaces, all gathered around the Waikato River and a lovely lake to walk around. I was most warmly hosted by Warwick and Claire Hutchinson who had me gasping with amazement at all that has been created there at the school and the birthing centre. Carol (early childhood co-ordinator) and Marianne (principal) took me under their wings and my experience in that community was rich and deep. There was also a day-trip to Raglan with my neice Emma...that little hippie seaside village is sooo yummy and the walk from the bay to the big sea is stunning. Another must on the traveller's list!

Tauranga: Thanks to the incredible enthusiasm of Mary the school principal and my dear hosts Rebecca, Graham, Stella and George, my time in Tauranga has turned into an ongoing love affair! I was quickly put under a spell by staying right on Papamoa Beach...where I swear the sun is brighter and the waves are whiter...(well not during the Rena disaster of course!) and the rest is history! I think just about every parent in the school there has now attended the Roots and Wings lectures and the community response has been incredible. Tauranga has a triangle of delights: Papamoa Beach, Mt. Maunganui and around the school the lush hills of Welcome Bay. This is kiwi fruit country. I seem to be never quite finished there!

Papamoa beach

Originally the tour was supposed to be for just one year but when I arrived back in Wellington at Christmas there were still so many Steiner schools and kindergartens in New Zealand wanting me to come that I realised I would need to be on the road for another year. Before I could make up my mind bookings for 2013 were coming in thick and fast. 

From Christmas to the end of February I worked in Wellington, 'flat out', seeing clients, trying to catch up on admin, meeting with colleagues to support children and preparing lectures. I just 'ran' and there was very little chance to meet with family and friends. Luckily I did manage some special time with my dear friend, Julia, before she left to work for 2 years in East Timor. It was a chaotic time due to the tangle of threads that the year had spawned. I could see that I needed to learn to 'ride this eagle' much better! I kept starting a blog to let everyone know what was happening but then the next demand would hit, and before I knew it my time in Wellington was over and I was swept away back on tour. 

The highlight of the summer was a 2-day seminar I was asked to give to a faculty of teachers in Christchurch late in January. I was able to present some new work based on studying the interaction of the temperaments in parents and children during the last 6 years of counselling families. It is a whole new approach based on compassion for the burden each temperament has to carry, on the unique challenges of different combinations, and on finding the way forward by focusing on the gifts that lie within the temperaments. I use this method with great success in the parent-child relationship and when doing couple counselling with parents, which is increasingly a component of the work. The preparation for this seminar ate up my January but was incredibly worthwhile. 'The Work' took another giant step forward.

So far this year I have spent all of March in Auckland giving 10 lectures and 75 hours of counselling. Then there was a wonderful short trip to Kerikeri to lecture to the kindergarten parents there, before heading to Hawkes Bay.

Highlights 

Auckland: Having never lived in Auckland it was my time to realise the incredible geography. It really is built on a cluster of volcanoes in the middle of the sea...like the whole country I guess, but more so! I really couldn't believe my eyes as I explored those cones and craters right in suburbia! The campervan was tucked behind the house of my wonderful hosts, Karen, Sarah, Rebecca and Benjamin, and right around the corner another dear family, Kirsten, Roger, Celia and Katelyn made a brand new room in their garage available to me for counselling...complete with visiting chickens! I was so blown away by their generosity! Both these homes were walking distance from the school, and the icing on the cake was the wonderful Waiataroa wetland park close by where Magic and I went walking for an hour every evening around 5pm on those hot summer nights. It was sheer heaven and I could not have hoped for a happier Auckland experience! Another special treat was the devine Mexican cafe in Ellerslie...where I managed a few lunches between clients...one for the gourmet list visitors!

Kerikeri: Oh wow! You should see this kindergarten out in the country in Oromahoe on the farm that provides milk to the Mahoe Biodynamic cheesemakers. The children walk over to the cheesery and pop their noses over the counter to receive little samples of cheese! It is a magical place. Christianne, the kindergarten teacher, also showed me around her farm. This is real kiwi (bird) country and is studded with extraordinary clusters of stunning rocks, old trees and hidden springs. A very moving experience. The area of Kerikeri is much more tropical. They say they can grow anything there! The little town is vibrant and full of artistic projects, and there is some great early history in the area, including New Zealand's oldest house.

The sign to Mahoe Kindergarten, Kerikeri

Taupo. One of my favourite aspects to cris-crossing the North island has been passing several times, on the run, through Lake Taupo. I usually arrive late afternoon and check in to De Bretts campground then commence a great routine. First a long walk on the beach in the sun with the dog. Next, dinner at Taupo's best kept secret, Indian Delights, with big picture windows fully opened to watch the sunset over the lake and mountains. The food and service are to die for! A must for the list! Then in the morning I have a big soak in the mineral hotsprings before hitting the road! This is always my time to go silent and breath out between communities. I'm looking forward to stopping in Taupo longer soon to give the Roots and Wings lectures.



    Parked up in Cambridge                   View from Indian Delights restaurant, Taupo

So that brings us to now. There is a warm breeze this morning and the leaves are cascading down. Can you believe I've  been living in a campervan for 14 months?! At present I'm in Hastings, Hawkes Bay, parked up with my dear aunt Judith, having just given a week of lectures to the student teachers at Taruna in Havelock North. It's so wonderful to work with them. 

                                                         white rainbow in the rising morning dew at Havelock North campground

The school holidays are full-on with admin and lecture prep, followed by 2 more days of lecturing at Taruna and 4 days with lectures at the Taikura Steiner School in Hastings. Then it will be lickety-split back to the Kapiti Coast to be the key-note speaker for a 1-day conference for parents of young children entitled 'Simply Parenting', at Te Ra School. 

In the remainder of 2013 I will visit kindergartens in Palmerston North, Rotorua, Taupo, Coromandel, and schools in Tauranga and Wellington, then hopefully take the ferry back to the South Island in Term 4 to Motueka, Dunedin, Invercargill and one more visit to Christchurch where life is still far from 'back to normal' for many after the quakes...though I sensed a turning point in their energy in January. They are working so hard at it...such an inspiration! 

Perhaps the biggest challenge of the year will be the Australasian bi-annual early childhood conference in Cambridge at the end of September, sharing the co-keynote speaker role with Renate Long-Breipohl, awesome author of 'Supporting Self-Directed Play' and 'Under the Stars'. Gulp. 

During the tour I have had much time to reflect on the Plum Garden Parenting Centre in Brooklyn and to miss it and all the families very much. I still grieve over the loss of it and all the work so many put into it. Despite all the wonderful places along the way I have come to realise even more what a passion I have for Wellington City...though I must admit it's been lovely to be consistently warm! It is my hope to take up residence there again in January 2014 and start afresh. Lots of ideas! More on that as it shapes up. 

Many clients along the way have said something like: 'we have been to so many counsellors and services but none have helped us like your information and suggestions do.' So I have come to realise that the 'counselling' I do is more like 'mentoring' as it teaches parents how to understand children and themselves, and how to change things on a practical level. So I am tending to use that word 'mentoring' more these days.

There are clearly 2 journeys. The outer journey of participating in the lives of communities and the inner journey of the content of 'the work'. With every lecture and every client session I learn something new, and figure out a simpler way to say things. I absolutely LOVE this work and can't believe how lucky I am to meet so many amazing, loving people and see this country in all its glory while doing it.

In every destination a special family has come forward to host me on their property, gifting rich and deep moments, showing me their towns, countryside and schools, sharing their food and hearts. These families are like family to me now..anchor points of love and shelter for the gypsy! To all of you whom I've met on the way, who have shared your wisdom and tables with me these last 14 months...thank you dearly from the bottom of my heart. You have made it all possible and I could never thank you enough.

Daffy Duck (the campervan) is hanging in there, gallantally trucking us over hill and dale...and hill! She's given me many lessons in courage and equanimity! Magic the dog just seems to get younger and perkier as the trip goes on (she's nearly 13 now!)...perhaps it's all the adapating she has had to do! Challenge creates resilience :). I'm feeling better than ever, now that I'm getting used to it. Up the mountain, through the red zone and over :). Gosh, living in a house again will be so weird! 

Magic asleep in the sun while I work

Last of all a very big thank you to my son Joe, who is the creator of the Plum website which so many of you have used to register for counselling/mentoring. I've been an appalling customer and he has been so tolerant of my neglectful blogging and ghastly computer skills. He hauls me into the 21st century and without him this whole work would not have been possible. 

Very warmest wishes to you all as we slip from this golden summer towards winter. You are doing the most important job in the world! All hope depends on you! Keep the compost bin handy...and may your Big Selves be with you!

Much love, Mary.

     rainbow's end...right where I lay my head!